Trapped In The Cycle

The sound of my alarm rings out beside me, silently I  will it to stop… please, just 5 more minutes…

The lights flick on and I squeeze my eyes even tighter still, flinching away from the brightness. My uniform is laid out on the bed before me.

My coffee is thrust into my hands and I stumble out the door. Keys… lunch… handbag… I have everything… I think…

I can’t remember much of the drive but here I am, seated at my desk, the radio playing quietly in the background… only eight more hours…

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A New Kind of Tired

You know that kind of tired when all you can comprehend is bed, blankets, pillows… just basically anything soft, and then you go and find those things and you lie there eyes wide open, everything that ever existed in the world filling your thoughts in that single moment, so you decide that perhaps you aren’t really that tired after all and begin to sit up, only to realise your entire body has assumed the weight of a large container of solid lead and most certainly isn’t going anywhere?

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To Those Who Stayed

“Curled tightly in agony I edged myself over the side of my bed, collapsing in a heap on the floor. I held my breath as I forced myself to extend all four limbs, releasing the grip that held me still and lifting myself as best I could. I moved slowly, each step more painful than the last, as I made my way to the lounge. Clawing my way onto our spare bed I buried myself in the mound of pillows that greeted me and paused, listening. The silence meant I’d succeeded, my partner was still fast asleep where I’d left him. I groaned, tears pouring down my face as I clutched violently at anything within reach, trying desperately to ease the pain. My body shuddered uncontrollably, yet another sign that I had absolutely no control of what was going on.”

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Back to the Beginning

“It’s pretty hard to say where it began exactly, I have no defining moment at which I noticed I was sick. To be honest, looking back there are a number of times that I could place as being the “beginning” or rather, the first hint that something might be wrong. But of course, hindsight always works that way, it’s easy to see when you know what’s coming.”

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